A Mundane Day
Every simple day is an insight to the peace we could have...
A mundane day
Today, I sit on the couch in the living room on a dull day, a hot water bottle filled with lukewarm water between my legs—an attempt to ease the dull aches of the cramps in my belly. My little cousins run around while I lay here, The Loud House blasting on the TV in the background; nobody’s watching it.
Today is Tuesday, the day after Easter Monday. I should be at work—or at least, by this time, on my way back—but I didn’t go because I didn’t want to. And no, I’m not an enjoyer of nepotism; I just refuse to be a slave to the corporate market.
This is my first ‘big girl’ job, and frankly, I hate it here. It’s such a far cry from the life I believed I’d be living—maybe because it’s a job I found out of necessity rather than choice.
Honestly, the truth is, I don’t really know what I want to do with my life. I know this sounds odd, especially to a lot of you who are doing so many things right now, or at least have a goal you have every intention of achieving.
Don’t get me wrong: I did have a dream, and I did try it out, but it did not work out for me. It probably could if I tried again, but every time, I am reminded of my failure and how it was completely out of my control. This should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. Trying to find a new dream isn’t actually the easiest—and trust me, I did try, and I’m still trying.
There’s something that not having a dream does to you: it gives you nothing to look forward to. Have you ever had to move through life listlessly? I wish I could paint a vivid picture of what life was for me—or still is—but it’s better now, thank heavens.
Now, my dilemma isn’t isolated, but it sure does feel isolating—like no one in the world can really understand how I feel. I’ve done the work, the talks, and the walks, you know? The ones you take to try to reinforce your mental health so you don’t go mad? Yeah, those.
Maybe this is why I hate my job—and also, maybe, the fact that this job has absolutely nothing to do with the degree that I also hate.
But hey, there’s a silver lining to this story: I’m seriously considering going back. Well, this is coupled with the fact that I cannot find anything else that I think I would be good at. I’m still scared—terrified, actually—but I’ve had the liberty to speak to several people, and they mention how my eyes light up whenever I speak about it. (And I also mean professionals, of course.)
It’s been two years since I practically gave up on my dream, and having an 8:30–5:30 job really put things into perspective. I hate it so much here that I’ve managed to rack up the courage to actually put on my running shoes and chase it—my dreams, I mean.
Wish me luck
All love
.M
PS: I am not exactly the best writer, I hope you laughed at least… but I am eager to hear about your stories and times that you’ve given up on things, what made you realize what you wanted to do with your lives, and the times you went after your dreams.
This is my first article, it’s not exactly the best. I ask that you give me grace, I’m learning and very open to receiving feedback. Please be nice, because I won’t be. I Love you.